Category Archives: humour

IF YOU LOVE ME I’M YOURS by Lizzie Chantree #romance #humour

LOVE ME

IF YOU LOVE ME I’M YOURS

by

Lizzie Chantree

 

love me

Genre: Romance/Humour

Release Date: 9th July 2018

Publisher: Crooked Cat Books

‘If you love me, I’m yours…’

Maud didn’t mind being boring, not really. She had a sensible job, clothes, and love life… if you counted an overbearing ex who had thanked her, rolled over and was snoring before she even realised he’d begun! She could tolerate not fulfilling her dreams, if her parents would pay her one compliment about the only thing she was passionate about in life: her art.

Dot should have fit in with her flamboyant and slightly eccentric family of talented artists, but somehow, she was an anomaly who couldn’t paint. She tried hard to be part of their world by becoming an art agent extraordinaire, but she dreamed of finding her own voice.

Dot’s brother Nate, a smoulderingly sexy and famous artist, was adored by everyone. His creative talent left them in awe of his ability to capture such passion on canvas. Women worshipped him, and even Dot’s friend Maud flushed and bumped into things when he walked into a room, but a tragic event in his past had left him emotionally and physically scarred, and reluctant to face the world again.

Someone was leaving exquisite little paintings on park benches, with a tag saying, ‘If you love me, I’m yours’. The art was so fresh and cutting-edge, that it generated a media frenzy and a scramble to discover where the mystery artist could be hiding. The revelation of who the prodigious artist was interlinked Maud, Dot and Nate’s lives forever, but their worlds came crashing down.

Were bonds of friendship, love and loyalty strong enough to withstand fame, success and scandal?

EXTRACT

Chapter One

Maud closed her eyes and prepared to jump off the emotional cliff she was teetering on the edge of. She shuffled forward until she felt sick with nerves, took a deep calming breath and waited.

‘Oh, Maud…’ her mother sighed. ‘Not again.’

Maud cringed at the familiarity of those words, and in her mind, she stepped off into the void and plunged into the icy darkness without a whimper. In reality, she was still in her lounge, but being around her mother made her feel like an abject failure and the words she uttered sliced through Maud and filled her with doom. Her mum pushed her to the edge of reason on a regular basis. She wished that for once her mother could try harder to be nice. Surely it couldn’t be that difficult to be grateful for the anniversary gift she had been given and to offer a smile, even a fake one, for the sake of her child? It was the same every year and Maud was finally ready to surrender and stop trying so hard to make them understand her and compliment one of her paintings. It was never going to happen, she realised with a heavy heart.

Maud didn’t mind being boring, not really. She had a sensible job, sensible clothes, a sensible love life… if you counted two overbearing exes and a one night stand who had thanked her, rolled over and was snoring before she even realised he had started! She was ok with not fulfilling her dreams or being outrageous and carefree, she just wanted her parents to pay her a compliment, just once, after years of disapproval and disappointment.

Maud knew that as far as her mum was concerned, she was the most amazing parent who encouraged her daughter to have a responsible career until she settled down and found a ‘suitable’ husband. Granted, Maud was a very good, well-liked and adept teacher’s assistant in the local primary school, but every time she pushed against the boundaries set by her parents for their perfect daughter… ‘Oh, Maud!’

It was ridiculous, she was twenty-four, thought Maud. She wished she had a big glass of wine to slug back, but her mother would disapprove of that too, suggest in horror that she was a ‘wino,’ and hand her the number for AA, which she would have readily available in the little brown Filofax she carried everywhere in her patent handbag. The woman was a menace.

BUY LINKS

Universal link: If you love me, I’m yours: viewbook.at/IfYouLoveMe-ImYours

Amazon.co.uk: https://www.amazon.co.uk/If-You-Love-Me-Yours-ebook/dp/B07C7HRNG1

Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/If-You-Love-Me-Yours-ebook/dp/B07C7HRNG1

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

LOVE ME

Award-winning inventor and author, Lizzie Chantree, started her own business at the age of 18 and became one of Fair Play London and The Patent Office’s British Female Inventors of the Year in 2000. She discovered her love of writing fiction when her children were little and now runs networking hours on social media, where creative businesses, writers, photographers and designers can offer advice and support to each other. She lives with her family on the coast in Essex.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lizzie.chantree.3

Author page: viewAuthor.at/LizzieChantree

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/LizzieChantree/pins/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Lizzie_Chantree

Goodreads Author Page: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7391757.Lizzie_Chantree

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lizzie_chantree/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lizzie-chantree-03006425/

Blog: www.lizziechantree.com

Website: www.lizziechantree.com

LOVE ME

LOVE ME

GIVEAWAY

a signed copy of this book and a Swarovski crystal handbag charm.

(OPEN INTERNATIONALLY)

 

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Dougal’s Diary by Sarah Stephenson #dogtale #humour #guestpost #giveaway

dougal's diary

Dougal’s Diary

by

Sarah Stephenson

 

Dougal's diary

Genre: a dog tale/ humour

Release Date: 14th Jan 2016

Publisher: Crooked Cat Publishing

Has he chosen well and landed on his paws? Dougal the Labradoodle puppy, a complete hypochondriac and Boris Johnson’s No1 fan, arrives in Greenwich with great expectations.

He longs to travel the world on Virgin Atlantic, dine at royal banquets and become; either a superstar and party the night away or work as a doorman at the Savoy.

Behaviour classes were never on his wish list, neither were cliff-hanging experiences on the Thames, booze cruises to Calais or obsessions for eating socks.

Can he survive life with a chaotic owner and her eccentric friends? Can he deal with his jealousy when a foster puppy comes to stay? And as for his dreams, will they ever come true?

AMAZON UK

AMAZON US

WHY I WROTE THIS BOOK

A real 3D version of Dougal does exist. And when I first got him, he seemed so different from other dogs I’d had; running into people’s homes if they’d left their front door open, curling up on their sofa, ready to watch TV, even expecting to be offered a cup of tea. He was a lover of parties, people and life. Happy to travel on the tube, ride on escalators, or spend a day in a children’s playpark. I felt he was asking to be put in a book. But what type of book, I didn’t really know.

Initially, I thought of a picture book with captions. One particular event encouraged this idea. Dougal always refused to go into the garden alone. I was in the bath. It was pouring with rain when Dougal decided he had to go out. So there I was in the garden clutching an umbrella, draped only in a towel, hoping the puppy would hurry up and relieve himself fast. And, of course, praying my neighbours weren’t watching me through their windows.

It took a while for me to wake up to the fact I’d need art classes to achieve my aim. And would life drawing actually help me with dog cartoons? It also meant writing it as a book for children was out, unless I found an illustrator. Not an easy task. So I decided to stick with words and write it for adults. Though I still feel, a few pictures would be fun.

The book changed dramatically from the first to final draft. In the beginning, there were tedious pages about puppy training advice, separation anxiety and the fact he had lacked friends because he hung out with large dogs who hated puppies. Sounds like fun read doesn’t it? Actually, it wasn’t quite that bad. Then it started to change and turned into a story about a long-suffering dog, with issues. Here Sue Townsend’s Adrian Mole was an inspiration. And Helen Fielding’s Bridget Jones, too, I guess. Both the main characters in those novels have obsessions. Bridget Jones, her weight and men. Adrian Mole: acne and the whole teenage hormonal bit and of course Pandora. On top of that he’s the victim of divorcing parents!

Suddenly I saw the light. I was freed and away. Dougal, the complete hypochondriac and Boris Johnson’s No 1 fan, longs to travel the world on Virgin Atlantic.

The book follows his first 18 months of life, through the Olympics, Wimbledon, having the snip (hell) but not his fault, enjoying his first Christmas where he appears in a nativity play as the whole flock of Sheep, and the pain of watching Crufts on TV.

Behaviour classes were never on his wish-list, neither were cliff-hanging experiences on the Thames, booze cruises to Calais or obsessions for eating socks.

Can he survive life with a chaotic owner and her eccentric friends? Can he deal with his jealousy when a foster puppy comes to stay? And as for his dreams of travelling on Virgin, will they ever come true?

ABOUT SARAH STEPHENSON

Dougal's Diary

Sarah, who grew up in Bristol, now lives in South East London with two dogs, the occasional grandchild and a lot of mess. She’s had a chequered career as ballet dancer, cook, cleaning lady, salesgirl of outsize underwear in Littlewoods and actor. As an actor she worked mostly in the theatre: plays ranging from Shakespeare to improvised, both comedy and tragedy.

Cooking combines two of her passions; travel and people. She’s catered on barges in Burgundy, private houses in America, many stately homes in England, run a delicatessen, a stall in a farmer’s market and been a judge on the Great Taste Food Awards. Good opportunities for hearing about the lives of others.

Her need to write began with letters; sending home news of her adventures. At seventeen: travelling alone on the Trans-Siberian Railway and across the Sea of Japan. In Greece as a drama student, when the van blew up at the Springs of Daphne and they explored the mainland, riding on bread vans and tractors before selling their blood for a fiver and hitch-hiking home on a lorry. Or in Morocco on a solo trip, in pre-mobile phone days, when she was chucked off a bus in the desert and found herself surrounded by hundreds of camels and similar numbers of men, all in local dress.

Since then Sarah hasn’t stopped scribbling and joining the Write Place, a writing class in Dartford, encouraged her to put the contents of numerous exercise books into something more concrete.

These days Sarah chooses less adventurous holidays but might well send one of her characters off on a trek she doesn’t feel brave enough to make.

Dougal’s Diary is Sarah’s first book.

Dougal's Diary

Facebook: Sarah www.facebook.com/Sarah Stephenson798

Dougal: www.facebook.com/dougal.stephenson

Twitter: Sarah: @SvsStephenson
Dougal : @DougalDiary

Blog: dougaldogsdiary.blogspot.co.uk

GIVEAWAY

E-COPY OF THE BOOK X 2
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Six Lies by Ben Adams ~ BOOK PROMO

six lies

SIX LIES

BY BEN ADAMS

 

six lies

Genre: Humour, Romance,

Release Date: 23/11/15

Publisher: SilverWood Books

How would you feel if, one day, you discover that everything you thought you knew about your family was a fabrication? Your mother wasn’t your mother, your father was a liar and your whole upbringing was a sham.

Confronted with this exact situation, Dave Fazackerley doesn’t feel great. It doesn’t help that he has just buried the woman he thought of as his mother. Or that his wife, his one true soulmate, recently jumped into bed with a librarian. Even his band, his only escape from reality, is going through a rough patch.

How will Dave respond? Will he discover the truth about his family? Will his band ever play a gig again? More importantly, can Dave entice his wife back from the arms of the book-dork or will he take a chance on a new love?

BUY LINKS

AMAZON UK

AMAZON US

 

ABOUT BEN ADAMS

six lies
Like a lot of people, Ben went to school, then college and eventually grew up and got a responsible job, a house and a family. And then his mid-life crisis kicked in.

Realising that life was in danger of becoming all too serious, Ben started writing. Not in the way that Forrest Gump started running, but at least he started. He wrote on steamed up mirrors in the bathroom to make his children smile. Eventually he graduated to making up stories to entertain his kids at bedtime.

For some reason, his boys didn’t seem interested in his tales of every-day life, relationships, family, trauma, farce and the occasional bit of debauchery. They preferred JK someone or other.

Following his short-lived career as a children’s author, Ben now concentrates on writing stories for grown-ups. He writes for people who have lived, loved, worked, strived and suffered – people like him. People like you.

Ben lives in southwest London with his two boys and Albus, his dog.

AUTHOR LINKS

FACEBOOK

GOODREADS

BLOG

AUTHOR WEBSITE

Twitter: @benadamsauthor

GIVEAWAY

AN EBOOK COPY OF SIX LIES

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Grumpies On Board by Carol E Wyer ~ BOOK PROMO

grumpies

GRUMPIES ON BOARD

BY CAROL E WYER

 

grumpies

Grumpies On Board

Genre: humour, non-fiction

Release Date: 21st May 2105

Publisher: Safkhet

A “book it” list like no other, with humorous suggestions for extreme active ageing trips and why grumpies should not go snuffle trunting

Fancy a holiday with a difference? Then pack your bags and get ready for some extreme active ageing. Us ‘older’ folk are heading away from the traditional hotel holiday and at last, having fun!

This humorous guide, compiled by Mr and Mrs Grumpy, offers alternatives to the usual holiday—from sensible to outrageous—to suit every grumpy guts.

Learn about Arctic boot camps, ayurvedic retreats, drumming holidays, ice blokarting, motoring experiences, skijorking, tubing, Vespa excursions, voodoo trips and discover why Mr Grumpy will never go truffle hunting again.

With over 300 suggestions of how to get the best out of your vacation and live life to the maximum, this book aims to inspire and entertain.

Read it and put some choices on your “book it” list. After all, you only live once!

“An excellently researched insight into the world of the truly grumpy traveller. Youngsters beware..!” Nigel Vardy AKA Mr. Frostbite. Record breaking mountaineer, author and inspirational speaker.

BUY LINKS

AMAZON UK

AMAZON.COM

SAFKHET

ABOUT CAROL E WYER

grumpies

Carol E. Wyer was born in Munster, Germany in 1960. She began her working life in Casablanca where she taught English and French in Language Schools and for companies. used to race around the streets on a clapped out VéloSoleX bike, avoiding donkeys. She changed career to become a fitness instructor in her forties and appeared in Zest magazine as a ‘success story’. No longer able to touch her toes with her hands, she has now become a full-time writer. Having written a series of educational yet amusing books for children, she turned her attention to the adult market in 2010 when her son flew from the nest.

Her first two novels Mini Skirts and Laughter Lines and Surfing in Stilettos won several awards for humour and much attention from the media. Since then, she has won the people’s Book Prize Award with Grumpy Old Menopause and has appeared on over fifty BBC radio stations, several international radio stations, Sky News, NBC television and BBC Breakfast television discussing age-related subjects such as ‘Irritable Male Syndrome’ and ‘Grumpy Old Menopause’. Her writing style has been described frequently by the media as ‘witty’ or ‘humorous’ and has even been compared to the acerbic wit of Jeremy Clarkson and the humour of Robin Williams.

Carol has written articles for and featured in several national women’s magazines including Take A Break, Choice, Woman’s Weekly and Woman’s Own who also wrote about her journey to becoming a best-selling author.

Currently writing a series of novels and articles aimed at the ‘older’ woman and man, Carol is also engaged in writing by-line articles and posts for magazines and websites including Silver Travel Advisor and the Huffington Post.

Carol is also a regular Loud Mouth on BBC Radio Derby.

Last year, she took a crash course in stand-up comedy and is currently doing a comedy tour entitled Smile While You Still have Teeth to sell-out audiences, proving you’re never too old to try a new experience.

Safkhet Publishing:  http://www.safkhetpublishing.com/admin/authors.html

Website: http://www.carolewyer.co.uk

Blogs: www.grumpyoldmenopause.com

http://facing50withhumour.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Carol-E-Wyer/221149241263847

Twitter: https://twitter.com/carolewyer

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5061207.Carol_E_Wyer

Member of Romantic Novelists Association: http://www.romanticnovelistsassociation.org/index.php/about/author/carol_wyer

Linkedin https://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=116225863&trk

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/carolewyer/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj5O-lvkAYO19S0AMW8VqJQ

GIVEAWAY

1st Prize – copy of the book (uk winner a signed paperback / non UK an ecopy)

grumpies

2nd Prize – Grumpy old git / cow travel mug

grumpies

a Rafflecopter giveaway

grumpies